Failures ... do not Fear them ...

I read a really interesting article in my daughters school magazine written by the Director of English Teacher. He is saying that "the better the students get a failing, the more likely it is that their success will be spectacular"

... hum, I needed to read further ...

He explains that although we are bombarded with the strong message of boosting our children's self esteem, we may be misinterpreting the fact that protecting our children from failure may help with the immediate problem of a child's disappointment, but it can be harmful in the long run

... and here is why ....

Most of us respond defensively rather than constructively to our failures. There are three defensive manoeuvres that are familiar to parents, and to anyone capable of honest reflection on their own failures (Tim Harford, in Adapt, 2011: 254) :

• Denial - refusing to acknowledge a mistake. At school, it takes the form of the perception that the teacher is subjective "the teacher does not like me"
• Loss-chasing or trying to hastily erase the mistake - The student redouble their effort. It seem laudable, but since there is no change in strategy that produced the lower grade, it often results in frustration. 'try, try, try(ing) again' may be futile and destructive, it is persistence for its own sake.
• Hedonic - we convince ourselves that the mistake does not matter "when am I ever going to use this knowledge anyway"

Now, if you want to exploit Failure, rather than using the three destructive defensive manoeuvres above (Harford) :

• Variation - seek out new ideas and try new things. It is daunting because it involves Risk with in jettisoning the old ways, and the likelihood of failure as new ways are found to be successful or not. It is important to know that variation may not produce success immediately, and that unsuccessful strategies will ultimately prove valuable and instructive in order to define successful strategies.
• Try on a scale that is survivable
• Seek out constructive feedback and face the truth - Concentrate on the teacher's criticism, encouragement, and suggestions for improvement rather than the grade only. It will take time before the grade improve if you genuinely try to adjust/fine-tune your learning strategies as it will be an exercise of trial and error. 'Grades are the post-mortems of assessment, while feedback is the diagnosis, prescription, and prognosis'.

The academic and personal benefits of adopting a positive attitude towards error are clear. It also leaves us happier than if we spend time in the futile, stressful, and miserable task of error-avoidance.

The link between learning from failure and being happy is found in Churchill words

'Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm'

It is also notable that when we realise that there is a little mismatch between our expectations (that we are right) and actually (that we are not), the incongruity is the basis of most jokes and humour. If we can laugh at our failures  as much as we do of others, we will not only smile more, but learn more too.

William James

'Our errors are surely not such awfully solemn things. In a world where we are so certain to incur them in spite of all our caution, a certain lightness of heart seems healthier than this excessive nervousness on their behalf' (1890)

Thank you to this English teacher for sharing these insights and research elements with your worried teenage parents :) !!! ... now I thought I may share these with you my worried-parents friends.