Milk plastic bottles recycled for Xmas decorations at the hospital where my daughter spent one week this month. I chose this picture to reflect my current thoughts and mood going forward:
Creativity and Environmental concerns - My two key words for 2021 :)
Wishing you a 'happier' New Year ... :)
we have all been restrained and longing for action out there (not just damage control), so hopefully, we can start thriving instead of surviving in 2021 once the vaccine starts being effective and rolls down around the world for all, since we are all in it, whether we wish or not.
Well, we may not be freed yet of Covid-19, but we are freed of Trump antics, so that is a good start. I am so looking forward to hear from new voices.
As you can see by the picture taken above, 2020 has very much been in the realm of hospital stays for us with 33 ambulance calls for my daughter. Fortunately, there are glimpses of hope with new knowledge development about her condition that we are soon to find out about.
This year has been particularly difficult to manage hospital stays in the midst of Covid-19 as ambulance trolleys queued frantically outside in front of public hospitals in the evenings, security everywhere, covid tests and isolation by precaution as soon as the temperature played up (autonomic system issue), and private hospitals, at a loss with her condition and repetitive presentations, hiding behind petty excuses, did not accept her anymore.
I tried to complain to the private hospital boards, with very limited positive outcome: we were welcomed for three months after that. Her medical specialists said we have to pick up our battles. True.
My divorce was finally pronounced on 9/11 2020! I could not have chosen a better date. I had the choice of two dates but with that date, I could imagine the twin towers of marriage falling in front of my eyes, so I chose that one.
We wan the battle with the NDIS (Government Disability Scheme separate from Centerlink disability pension, with separate application and assessment criteria), an administrative nightmare, after three appeals, the last one facing an independent tribunal that I presented with evidences of her condition as a disability in US jurisprudence. She finally has been granted much needed help in the form of a support worker who comes three times a week at home, and an occupational therapist, and exercise physiologist.
So much relief.
Also, I have now been given more work from ENN (Exchange Nutrition Network) and most of it directed towards covid-19 nutrition consequences for breastfeeding mothers to be translated and rendered in an accessible format in French for West Africa. This was definitely satisfying work, empowering for me, empowering for the recipients and more much needed revenues.
As for my Red Hat job, there has been some major changes with change of ownership to IBM in January. Fortunately, I kept my job, even if still only part-time (20h). Everyone has been asked to work from home until at least January 2021. Nothing new for us concerning working habits, we were already used to working from home most of the time. We do miss the occasional physical meeting, training and lunch that can make all the difference in motivation and wellbeing from time to time, but in my current situation, the fact that I cannot even come on Mondays is not a problem It has been normalised for all.
Isolation reinforced this year, but I already knew about confinement, so I guess my world was not up side down compared to many people who discovered what working from home meant.
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Magnolia for a day or two (that is what they do, just say hello, then go) - on the front lawn, planted in September 2019. Anzac decorations in our street. This is a big day in Australia, like Bastille day in France. Since we have a senior Australian army officer who retired recently in our street, and that no public gathering was allowed at that time in the city, we all woke up at 5am to listen to the dawn speech on the radio via Bluetooth on our mobile speakers. The children and ourselves created tall poppies that we twisted around the gum trees, children made Anzac biscuits. This was very special in our street, most people participated, keeping distance of course, but we felt unity in decency, thinking of those who fought for our freedom during WWI even if they did not win this battle at Gallipoli. |
In July, I had a special moment with my son learning how to cook properly with the rewards of rich tasting food at the Golden Pig restaurant when restrictions were slightly easing out and restaurants were trying alternative ways to make a living.
September, the borders opened with Northern New South Wales, finally a holiday for me, my daughter spend one week at her dad's and I headed for Byron for a couple of days!
I learned how to paint waves in Broadbeach Art Centre on the Gold Coast while listening to the sea outside of the Art Centre through the opened window. So nice.
My hotel for two nights in Byron
The beach in front of the hotel (Belongil)
The hotel adult pool
My accommodation
Local painting at Tweed Head Gallery
Waterfall Painting
Beach in front of the hotel
Painting in progress - I was missing some colours I had not been able to find ... :( but I learned the technique, the most important.
Inspiration was not far - lunch on the beach to reset the mind on the real thing
Teacher's final painting
Back home, blue parrot, I see them only two or three times a year, so beautiful
Then, reality stroke.
I received test results from my routine mammogram from August, breast cancer, invasive type of cells,
action had to be taken immediately.
There has been no early breast cancers in my family.
Sunflowers in the wards that inspired me to plant some in my garden.
and this delightful poem written by a woman doctor there. It was framed in the radiotherapy changing room,
by Dr Leesa Jackson, 2019
I see the fear camped
in your eyes
It set itself up there,
made itself
uncomfortable
at the words of a
medicine man
It lurks
lives
feeds
in other, beloved eyes
in shaking hands
in raised voices
in sobs
in quiet screaming
moments before the
mirror
alone behind the
wheel
in the witching hours
in your bedroom
in curls in the foetal
space between your
knees and chest
purrs
unwanted, unwelcome
cloying, sticky,
infectious
everyone breathes it
everyone breeds it
can't just reach in
wrench the Judas out
why me
OH GOD WHY
ME
Oh yes, I see the fear.
I know fear,
Not your fear, no.
just common human
fears
The whispers in the
corners of your
existential crises
Fear of death.
Of loneliness,
Of losing control.
Of losing my
daughter, my
husband,
my mind, myself.
Oh yes, I know fear.
The burden of it.
The deep impossible
crevasse of it.
And I want to help
you cross it.
That is why I am.
I exist for you, here,
in this place
To hold your fear for
you
Even for a while
Even for a moment
To let you breathe
without fear tearing at
your throat
To demystify the
terrible
If such a thing is
possible
That's my job
That's my honour
Because it is,
It's such an honour to
be with you
Through this
So humbling that you
bring your fear
to me
and trust
and hope.
I work towards alleviating
that burden
That strange, heavy,
beautiful burden
And please know that
I think of you when
I'm at home
Playing with my
daughter
Cooking dinner
Patting the dog
Cuddling my
husband...
I know you live
these moments in your own
rooms
you are more that the
fear
more than the cancer
You are my patient
Your are a human
You are a soul
I do not forget that.
I will not forget that.
Makes you proud to be a human!
and here is the Gratitude Tree
from the Patients to their Caregivers. I had the privilege to meet selfless remarkable human beings along the way at Breast Cancer Queensland.
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This is not the most poetic message, but I particularly like that one: 'Finished, thank you'. Can't be more to the point ;) Waiting for prognostics has been anxiolytic, but when I learned that the cancer had not spread through the lymph nodes to the rest of the body after the surgery, I was very relieved. The decision not to proceed with mastectomy was also good news: post surgical tests confirmed it was not necessary and the $3K genomic test results (no Medicare nor health fund rebate) spared me from chemotherapy after a three weeks long wait on the results from Melbourne. Breast cancer has an eighty percent survival rate, is now quite well understood thanks to good research fundings in this area, so it could have been worse for sure. I now have five years to check on any remission but the prognostic is good for me. I am a lucky one so far. Yes, getting old is not for sissies, and I was able to travel that part in peace. NEXT |
At the end of that journey, for my daughter's twenty-fourth birthday, we drove all the way to Toowoomba to meet the breeders of Louis.
We got lucky, they let us have him: He had a little health issue (umbilical hernia) but it can be easily fixed. He is full of life and mischief, and a sweet affectionate little boy!
Presenting a new family member: Louis!
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Louis' mum on the left (Beagle) and his dad on the right (King Charles Cavalier Spaniel) Back home, a few days later |
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My daughter in Pain Management unit in December in a virtually covid free environment in Queensland (lucky us) - Louis was allowed to visit her :))! He slept there for quite a while.
They both are very happy on this picture.
Homage to all front line workers for 2020, homage to my friend, chemist in Paris in a rough area, who never failed to be of service to them, homage to her cardio son who caught it from patients (and got over it), and a very special thought for my beloved uncle, my mother's elder brother, taken by the virus in November at 84 years of age.
On the bright side, Mother Earth had a break, even if a small one.
Translation:
Mother Earth: Thanks for the 'Pause', I could not bear it anymore
Virus: 'Do you think they understood the message?'
Just finished David Attenborough's latest book on the state of our planet and about how we can reverse the damage, I will only share his final words: it is not intelligence but wisdom that will save us.
Time to learn about self-discipline, take what we need, not what we desire, prefer quality to quantity, give back to nature, rewilding some land and sea areas including greeneries in cities, incorporating carbon absorption in land value, empower women so that they can have children not only when they want but also how many they want and can have so that we can reach an optimum demographic plateau sooner than later, and live collaboratively towards practical and engineering solutions together globally.
What does not destroy you makes you stronger!
