corinasays: November 2024

2024 has been dragging itself ...

but things are beginning to shape up a bit for me.

I have been accepted for placement at UQ Psychology Clinic in 2025 where I will meet my first patients - under supervision to start with. We'll be attending to people from all over Australia, via co-counselling, telehealth, one-to-one sessions, psycho-counselling campus students, so this will perfect my training among a very diverse population and all sorts of presentations.

I should be getting my accreditation as a therapist in November 2025.

This year has been tough because this last part of my psychology & counselling studies, the master of counselling, did not include a scholarship anymore, so I was left with my part-time salary - halving my incomes.

We have help from the government (Centerlink) but if I had not been working and had to rely on it alone, it would only put food on the table.

I am still in a position where I can't afford holidays, house insurance, where I barely meet my daily expenses. For example, I cannot afford parking fees at uni.

I was fortunate to be backed up by a reliable & mindful support worker (NDIS) this year, two days a week: it enabled me to get out of the house, look after myself, exercise a bit (go swimming) and attend classes physically at UQ for my master of counselling which, this year involved a lot of role plays - simulating psychotherapy sessions.

This is almost life saving for me in the sense I can keep my spirits.

I have a feeling that unfortunately, the patriarchy has won. I was born too early for my liking. When I was twenty, I naively thought we were over all that, just like young people think we are now.

Big mistake! Look at the facts, not what people say.

I just come back from Sydney where I met my father who was there for two days as part of an exclusive world group tour on a private jet.

As for my ex-husband, with all the time in the world on his hands, has just accepted a new position in Townsville James Cook University with his partner who bought a house there - 1300 kms away from his daughter.

None of them feel any ounce of responsibility.

The still, in facto, very patriarchal system is exploitative for women.

My daughter's father does not pay a pension for my disabled daughter ... and gets away with it, and no one blinks an eye, even some women like his otherwise very educated partner, still integrating the dominant narrative - that, is patriarchy for you.

Hello taxpayers, why should YOU pay for him? Why should he be able to enjoy Marrakech while the taxpayers are paying for his daughter's care?

At this point in time, a pension would not even begin to compensate for the massive let down. There is no price on the lost dreams, time and aspirations. No money can redeem the total betrayal from the ex husband, the extended family and society at large. Had I known the extent of the patriarchal malaise, I would never have risked having children.

Women, culture and legislation are still not safe enough for you to bring up children!

While I queue in hospitals, doctors offices and attend to my daughter's needs, her father spends his holidays in the UK and Morocco for a month with his girlfriend, each year, and even his parents, brother and all, are just 'watching'.

What do they need holiday for, all they do is look after themselves! while I haven't been on holiday proper for ten years now. Who do you think needs holidays, people like him, or people like me?

As for the medical expenses, the gentleman divorce agreement from 2019 written by lawyers fell out. In July, he retrieved the medical expenses credit card because he wanted to buy out his partner's share of their house in Brisbane, his 'pieds a terre', and said he did not want to present to the bank as someone with too many credit cards. Hum... once a liar always a liar ... even to the bank.

We waited ... patiently but the card has still not showed up. Whether he does not prioritise his daughter - he says he does not have time but will do it (really?), or whether he tries to control the only thing left he can control (to piss me off or assert his dominance in sick power games?), who knows.

Only a court order would have guaranteed he complied, but I did not have the cash to pay the lawyer further and there was a two years wait for the court in 2019: in two words, it was 'not accessible'. There is just an ersatz of rights that are NOT accessible. If rights exist but cannot be implemented, eg. if there aren't the resources in place to implement them, there aren't any rights. That, also, is patriarchy for you! Just pretences to keep everyone quiet.

When seeking advice about taking him on trial now, I was told that since the government was providing, he would not be liable. You'd need a very good lawyer to get above the status quo.

Power protects power.

The government does the strict minimum to comply with Human Rights Watch, it will just make sure flocks of people won't end up in the street starving, or demonstrating.

Instead of the medical credit card, HE DECIDED (unilaterally) that he would be giving her 300 Aud a week. She was almost pleased with it, thinking she could have money left. It is a lure. A presentation to emergency alone is over 400 Aud + we have physiotherapy, psychology, GPs, meds expenses each week. What it really means is that, as a result, last week, I had to advance the money myself in emergency as she was unconscious when we checked in at St Andrews Private Hospital (private to avoid the 4 hours queues), and two weeks ago, she had to call him to make a transfer from ICU (Intensive care unit) since there was 'an additional cost for resuscitation !!!' after a CT scan dye adverse reaction.

This is what happens when you deal with people totally disconnected from reality with a misplaced sense of entitlement.

Since we are both concession card holders, the Australian government reimburses most of our medical expenses and meds, so the actual medical expenses per se are not very high at all but we don't have the cash flow to come up with the bills as they present before reimbursement.

So, sometimes, I don't even go to see a specialist myself (eg there is no way I could afford a much needed psychologist myself at times) because I do not have 400 Aud of cash flow, especially lately, since I had to have expensive maxillofacial surgery and expensive non subsidised CAT cancer check tests in August.

So, this year, it has been mostly financial stress, which is *mild* compared to predominantly medical stress over the last few years, believe me.

I do not resent my situation, looking after others is realistically part of life, we all, one day, have to look after a high need person, would it be a baby, an elderly person, or someone who had an accident or suffers from a severe condition, and believe me, it happens randomly. It could be any of us tomorrow.

What I resent is the lack of support of people who should be helping, it should not be a solo act.

The father ought to feel he has to take over half of the responsibility one way or another, and mostly, ... how come the culprits are getting away with it?

Remember that they do it because they can, .... and because it is culturally acceptable...

Remember Hannah Arendt, the world will not be destroyed by a handful of airheads but by the people standing by and doing nothing.

On the positive side, my daughter presents to emergency much less often, once every two months. She is usually well looked after since the presentations are far apart, and we do not have to do covid-maddening and risky queuing anymore. She is also now able to take her medications independently and I no longer have to call her every twenty minutes if I step outside of home for an errand on a good day. Her quality of life and mine as a result, has improved a lot since 2022.

Please no one asks me again, was the trip to the US worth it? If you were remotely interested in her case, you would know.

To the sceptics who haven't raised a finger at the time of surgery, I say: ask the doctors. They give so little value to what I say over and over again, answering them would be a waste of time. I will not buy into their 'told you so' mentality to justify their inactions.

Her being better means I was able to be out of the house two days a week in 2024. I was of course able to step out of lectures if really needed but this year's milestones give me confidence that I should be able to cover two days a week of placement next year with the help of our support worker.

As for my son, 2025 will see things shape up a bit for him as well since he should be finishing his 4-years engineering degree at the same time than me. For now, he is working hard as a gardener for a company 'to pay his dad a rent!' and meet his daily expenses.

I am looking forward for things to brighten up a bit for him as well. His job is tough under the Australian sun.

Not much to be said for this year, I was not sure I would write a post - first time since 2008, I am not even sure anyone is going to read it, it's like everyone has disappeared.

I am typical of people in my situation: too confined to the domestic sphere and even if I had time, no money to do anything.

The worse would be to be silent.

This may be useful to someone one day. They should know they are not crazy, it is people around you who make you think so.

I met a few nice people at university, and had great conversations with some, but there is definitely a large age gap with most of them. This was to be expected. As for my Red Hat Pty Ltd colleagues, or my ENN Network colleagues (UK), our interactions are mostly virtual apart from our delightful Red Hatters' end of the year reunion at Fat Noodles in George street.

Sometime, you just have to be patient with life, I still have hope for better times.

Here are a patchwork of pictures taken this year on my mobile.

I still find solace in beauty where I can find it...

Last week with my dad for a day in Sydney - view from his room, where he enjoyed a 'stopover'. My dad is now 89, so he is now off limits, we can only live in the present. We seize the moment. I was impressed at how his fellow travellers were looking after him. It was nice to see.
For me, the flight only represented one week of income to be saved. I was amazed how many amazing people I was able to meet in a single day! There is definitely a life out there.

Entertainment where I can find it: a man cutting a tree in next door's garden. It was actually very interesting, very skilled involving mountaineering aptitudes and all...

My garden: Before and After

Nice sculptures I would like to replicate myself ... one day perhaps

Grass on the Seaside in Peregian Beach

Brisbane

Celebrating a friend having a new job one evening

Botanical garden - I did a free city council organised mobile phone photography course one morning:

Book bucket list included in this post. This book has been written by a leading aboriginal clinical psychologist recently. She introduced the notion of cultural scales to help psychological assessments.