corinasays

15 March, 2025

Cyclone Alfred

This is how the cyclone looked like from the sky on Sunday March, the 3rd, 2025 as we received a Brisbane City Council Severe Weather Cyclone alert.

This is how it looked like from the land

Resident of two states, Queensland and New South Wales, were asked to make preparations for the cyclone. On Sunday, we were told it would hit the coast at category 2 on Wednesday, on Monday, we were told Thursday. The cyclone was making loops.

The question was : How bad?

According the the Australian Bureau of Meteorology (BOM), it was a Cat 2. What does it mean? According to BOM, category 2 means destructive winds, Minor House damage, damage to signs, trees and caravans. Heavy damage to crops. Risk of power failure, Max wind speed 89-117 km/h. Typical Strongest gust 125-164 km/h.

Decisions had to be made - should we stay or should we go? We still had two days, and reaching Sydney takes only one day. Leaving on a hill, I was more concerned by the wind than by the floods. My main concern was: would the roof hold. From my enquiries online, it 'seemed' that a small traditional tin roof would hold 120km/h, up to 160km/h if it had been done recently and according to highest standards. Mine was done in 1920, and had only been lightly sealed after I bought the house. Not everybody goes through the same stresses under climate threat emergency situations.

On Tuesday, the cyclone was fearing at 130km/h, what to do? My son was safer but alone at his dad's place which had concrete areas. His dad was in the UK. My son offered we go there, in his area if the house that he rents. My daughter felt safer at home. I convened with the neighbours and we agreed that as long as it remains a Cat 2, it should be ok. In North Queensland, where cyclone usually take place, residents did not seem to worry unless it reaches Cat 3, we were told. Ok, then. I think we were all lacking experience. Retrospectively, I think residents of houses like me should have been encouraged to leave. It looked like a high Cat 2.

With my daughter, we queued to gather sand bags. It was run by volunteers bringing 1 CBM of sand bags at a time with 50 people around in a circle, via forklift. At first, a woman snatched two bags from my hands. It happened at an unconscious level, she even smiled coyly at me. I think her survival brain did not agree with her even. After three rounds, a man was taking the sandbags out of the crate for everyone else. You see the worse and the best of people in difficult situation. I think I already said that somewhere :)

Anyway, we got ready. sand bags were put in front of retaining wall, back door, and a couple extra for unforeseen need, one in case of toilet bowl overflow, the bath was filled with water, mobile phones were full, solar powered chargers full, a battery powered radio was lent by my son, the bins secured with ropes, outdoor equipment taken to storage, and the deck table out inside as a shelter for our heads in case the roof goes down and the windows blow.

In the meanwhile, surfers were having a ball on the Gold Coast.

And others were making themselves comfortable in the safest room

We were living in a state of extreme anxiety, yet, the cyclone took its time on an unpredictable path.

It was now going to hit Friday night or Saturday, the winds were 120km/h.

Then, the city council got annoyed with the surfers who could get fined $16K for surfing.

A makeshift refuge was opened in RNA showground, you had to bring your own food, and no bed was provided. I considered.

Friday the 7th, BOM screen was showing a cyclone - where was Wally? - the sky was blue, it was not even raining, the streets were quiet, not a car in the streets, it was eyrie, ... but yes, it was coming, probably tonight.

By now, people were making jokes about the cyclone's path

6:00pm Friday night is when my anxiety level was at its peak, I could feel my heart racing. Was I ready for, perhaps, the end.

I was looking at the neighbourhood FB page posts, when out of the blue, a woman said not to worry, she was a psychic and she could see Alfred was 'afraid' of Brisbane ($#@!), and another person who said she was a psychic as well, and could see the same. They received an avalanche of insults. That was not time sensitive, or was it? 'Be respectful, they said'. I was not sure I could be respectful of everyone at this stage.

'You'll see on Monday', they said.

The cyclone had gusts of 155km/h, that was bad, it was looking like a high Cat 2, and there was worries about how it will interact with the hot air coming from the land interior.

IT GOT DOWNGRADED to Cat 1 at 7:01pm. We were safe, instant relief, my body regulated itself on the spot.

I took a screenshot of the psychics thread because it is one of these moments when reality beats fiction.

In the meanwhile, some people were doing incredible work for the wildlife

And then, it hit on Friday night. We could hear as a continuous hissing noise, light continuous rain. I saw a giant mango tree shaking like a leave up the hill. The house was holding remarkably well under the wind. This was just the first phase, and many people considered it hit on Saturday when the rain came down pouring madly, but for me, the worse was over.

On Saturday, we had A LOT of rain, which went on until Monday morning.

It first went over Bribie & Stradbroke Islands which thankfully acted as a protective buffer for Brisbane. It got downgraded from Cyclone to Severe Storm.

Around 300K people lots power. In Paddington, 1500 people lots power on that day, I was lucky I was still on the grid.

I just had an already weak retaining wall sliding out further under the pressure of the water going down the hill under the house that will need minor repair for now.

By the end of the week, the city council went hard on homeless people, warning that sleeping in the street was illegal.

I can only imagine what would have happened to me if my house had been destroyed by a high Cat 2...

One man lost his life after being swept away by the flood water, and 36 military personnel got injured.

The power was restored very quickly, with only 10% of affected household left without power by the end of the week.

As Brisbane Lord Major put it: "we dodged a bullet'.

03 February, 2025

Summer 2025 - Psychology Books Bucket List

This summer has been particularly hot with temperatures reaching 37-9C at times - this picture was taken in Coolangatta this month on a very hot day. You will notice that the beaches are deserted because people take refuge in shopping centers. I wonder if we are going to end up as climate refugees anytime soon, that would be quite a blow for the zealots.

I found myself with an unusual large amount of time during this holiday.

As result, I took refuge in reading about psychology in a non academic format: in itself feels like a holiday for me.

I first took a leap back in time in this journey, with a detour in litterature with Dostoïevski who, like many great Russian writers, was a master at portraits. I was amazed to read Crime & Punishments with a psychological lense for the first time, it so much enriched my experience. These studies have already added quite a lot to my life, I am grateful.

I then wheeled back to my 'be sensible' default mode and read numerous contemporain psychology books - I was, after all, going to have to face patients very shortly now. I have to start watching any sign of reading addiction at this stage... Interesting for someone who lived her early adolescence thinking playing outside and 'living' was more important than homework 🤔. The truth is, yes, that I'd still rather be playing, but I am grateful I can have access to this incredible knowledge. It also gives me a sense of connection with the best of our humanity and provides a shield against dreadful current international news, the advent of more and more lunatics in high power positions who would not even pass basic HR psychological screening for any ordinary job, and setbacks to climate change policies.

So here is my list that I am happy to share. Depending on which subject might interest you, they are all good reads:

And even:

24 November, 2024

Wrapping up 2024

2024 has been dragging itself ...

but things are beginning to shape up a bit for me.

I have been accepted for placement at UQ Psycho-counselling clinic in 2025 where I will meet my first patients - under supervision to start with. We'll be attending to people from all over Australia, via co-counselling, telehealth, one-to-one sessions, psycho-counselling campus students, so this will perfect my training among a very diverse population and all sorts of presentations.

I should be getting my accreditation as a therapist in November 2025.

This year has been tough because this last part of my psychology & counselling studies, the master of counselling, did not include a scholarship anymore, so I was left with my part-time salary - halving my incomes.

We have help from the government (Centerlink) but if I had not been working and had to rely on it alone, it would not have been sufficient beyond strict necessities, totally out of sync with the rental market, so if I had not own my house and had not hanged on to that job despite all odds, there is a good chance that I would be in the street with my daughter right now - look at the stats and see who is in the street in Australia in 2025, women over fifty who have been looking a lot after their children. Let's never forget that and I wish for the people who have made this a possibility, directly or indirectly, never having to be on my receiving end. Expectations on carers are unrealistic: you are supposed to look after a disabled or capacity reduced person without holidays, for years, + you have to work ?! ... Why? (1) because fundamentally caring for a disabled person is STILL NOT considered a 'real' !! job, (2) because the divorce laws 'in my case at least' do not take this seriously.

Who makes and enforce the laws, carers?

I was struck by the fact that even my ex's women lawyers 'not getting it', this hurt a lot at the time, there was no sisterhood I would have assumed, they probably had other people looking after their kids, and they were working towards their superannuation. Where is the carers' voice? Carers don't have time to have a voice. All you can hope for is that your health will allow you to carry the load, but sometimes, your body screams.

I am still in a position where I can't afford holidays, house insurance, dog insurance, where I barely meet my daily expenses. For example, I cannot afford parking fees at uni. For those who thinks, why does she need a car: I do need to take a car with me because in case of emergency, I have twenty minutes to get back home, and public transport in Brisbane is not sufficiently frequent and reliable enough for that.

Some things are improving a bit for me... For once, after two years of excruciating wait and frustrations with a government who advertises much more than it actually delivers (2+ years wait for an implant at the Herston Clinic, they say 2+ because they can't tell you more precisely), I have finally been able to afford myself to replace a front tooth. This is life changing for me. I can now smile.

My hair did regrow but I lost it again in August though - who knows why, but now, my eye lashes are growing again, and I adapted. I was finally able to have my brows nicely tattooed by an award winning cosmetic tattooist from the Gold Coast, and I wear a wig from time to time when the situation calls for it, otherwise, I am fine with scarves, I even have a scarved avatar on some training apps. I was mainly fortunate to be backed up by a reliable, competent & mindful support worker (NDIS) this year, two days a week: it enabled me to get out of the house, look after myself, exercise a bit (go swimming) and attend classes physically at UQ for my master of counselling which, this year involved a lot of role plays - simulating psychotherapy sessions. This is almost life saving for me in the sense I can keep my spirits. At the end, the government helped more than family.

Time is passing by, I have a feeling that unfortunately, the patriarchy has won. I was born too early for my liking. When I was twenty, I naively thought we were over all that, just like young people think we are now.

Big mistake! Look at the facts, not what people say.

I just come back from Sydney where I met my father who was there for two days as part of an exclusive world group tour on a private jet.

As for my ex-husband, with all the time in the world on his hands, he enjoys Cornwall and Morocco every summer with his new partner.

None of them feel any ounce of responsibility.

Hello taxpayers, why should YOU pay for him? Why should he be able to enjoy Marrakech while the taxpayers are paying for his daughter's care?

With nothing to do except concentrate on his career, he has just accepted a new position in Townsville James Cook University with his partner who bought a house there - 1300 kms away from his daughter.

The still, in facto, very patriarchal system is exploitative for women who care.

My daughter's father does not pay a pension for my disabled daughter ... and gets away with it, and no one blinks an eye, even some women like his otherwise very educated partner, still integrating the dominant narrative - that, is patriarchy for you.

What do you think would happen though, if I just 'disappeared': He would lose his job, his house, and most likely his girlfriend. I have been tempted to do it, but I would not take such a risk for my daughter's sake, I don't think he would manage.

At this point in time, a pension would not even begin to compensate for the massive let down. There is no price on the lost dreams, time and aspirations. No money can redeem the total betrayal from the ex husband, the extended family and society at large. Had I known the extent of the patriarchal malaise, I would never have risked having children.

Women, culture and legislation are still not safe enough for you to bring up children!

While I queue in hospitals, doctors offices and attend to my daughter's needs, her father spends his holidays in the UK and Morocco for a month with his girlfriend, each year, and even his parents, brother and all, are just 'watching'.

What do they need holiday for, all they do is look after themselves! while I haven't been on holiday proper for ten years now. Who do you think needs holidays, people like him, or people like me?

As for the medical expenses, the gentleman divorce agreement from 2019 written by lawyers fell out. In July, he retrieved the medical expenses credit card because he wanted to buy out his partner's share of their house in Brisbane, his 'pied a terre', and said he did not want to present to the bank as someone with too many credit cards. Hum... once a liar always a liar ... even to the bank.

We waited ... patiently but six months later, the card has still not showed up. Whether he does not prioritise his daughter - he says he does not have time but will do it (really?), or whether he tries to control the only thing left he can control (to piss me off or assert his dominance in sick power games?), who knows.

Only a court order would have guaranteed he complied, but I did not have the cash to pay the lawyer further and there was a long wait for the court in 2019: in two words, it was 'not accessible'. There is just an ersatz of rights that are NOT accessible. If rights exist but cannot be implemented, eg. if there aren't the resources in place to implement them, there aren't any rights. That, also, is patriarchy for you! Just pretences to keep everyone quiet.

When seeking advice about taking him on trial now, I was told that since the government was providing, he would not be liable. You'd need a very good lawyer to get above the status quo.

Power protects power.

The government does the strict minimum to comply with Human Rights Watch, it will just make sure flocks of people won't end up in the street starving, or demonstrating.

Instead of the medical credit card, HE DECIDED (unilaterally) that he would be giving her 300 Aud a week. She was almost pleased with it, thinking she could have money left. It is a lure. A presentation to emergency alone is over 400 Aud + we have physiotherapy, psychology, GPs meds expenses each week. What it really means is that, as a result, last week, I had to advance the money myself in emergency as she was unconscious when we checked in at St Andrews Private Hospital (private to avoid the 4 hours queues), and two weeks ago, she had to call him to make a transfer from ICU (Intensive care unit) since there was 'an additional cost for resuscitation !!!' after a CT scan dye adverse reaction.

This is what happens when you deal with people totally disconnected from reality with a misplaced sense of entitlement.

Since we are both concession card holders, the Australian government reimburses most of our medical expenses and meds, so the actual medical expenses per se are not very high at all but we don't have the cash flow to come up with the bills as they present before reimbursement, hence the medical credit card obtained by my lawyer at the very last minute.

So, sometimes, I don't even go to see a specialist myself (eg there is no way I could afford a much needed psychologist myself at times for ex) because I do not have 400 Aud of cash flow, especially lately, since I had to have expensive maxillofacial surgery, hair growth treatment and expensive non subsidised CAT cancer check tests in August.

So, this year, it has been mostly financial stress, which is *mild* compared to predominantly medical stress over the last few years, believe me.

I do not resent my situation, looking after others is realistically part of life, we all, one day, have to look after a high need person, would it be a baby, an elderly person, or someone who had an accident or suffers from a severe condition, and believe me, it happens randomly. It could be any of us tomorrow.

What I resent is the lack of support of people who should be helping, it should not be a solo act.

The father ought to feel he has to take over half of the responsibility one way or another, and mostly, ... how come the culprits are getting away with it?

Remember that they do it because they can, .... and because it is culturally acceptable...

Remember Hannah Arendt, the world will not be destroyed by a handful of airheads but by the people standing by and doing nothing.

On the positive side, my daughter presents to emergency much less often, once every two months. She is usually well looked after since the presentations are far apart, and we do not have to do covid-maddening and risky queuing anymore. She is also now able to take her medications independently and I no longer have to call her every twenty minutes if I step outside of home for an errand on a good day. Mini seizures have virtually disappeared. Her quality of life and mine as a result, has improved a lot since 2022.

Please no one asks me again, was the trip to the US worth it? If you were remotely interested in her case, you would know. To the sceptics who haven't raised a finger at the time of surgery, I say: ask the doctors. They give so little value to what I say over and over again, answering them would be a waste of time. I will not buy into their 'told you so' pointing out to her presentations to emergency out of unrealistic full recovery mentality to justify their inactions.

Her being better means I was able to be out of the house two days a week in 2024. I was of course able to step out of lectures if really needed but this year's milestones give me confidence that I should be able to cover two days a week of placement next year with the help of our support worker.

As for my son, 2025 will see things shape up a bit for him as well since he should be finishing his 4-years engineering degree at the same time than me. For now, he is working hard as a gardener for a company 'to pay his dad a rent!' and meet his daily expenses.

I am looking forward for things to brighten up a bit for him as well. His job is tough under the Australian sun.

Not much to be said for this year, I was not sure I would write a post - first time since 2008, I am not even sure anyone is going to read it, it's like everyone has disappeared.

I am typical of people in my situation: too confined to the domestic sphere and even if I had time, no money to do anything.

The worse would be to be silent.

This may be useful to someone one day. They should know they are not crazy, it is people around you who make you think so.

I met a few nice people at university, and had great conversations with some, but there is definitely a large age gap with most of them. This was to be expected. As for my Red Hat Pty Ltd colleagues, or my ENN Network colleagues (UK), our interactions are mostly virtual apart from our delightful Red Hatters' end of the year reunion at Fat Noodles in George street.

Sometime, you just have to be patient with life, I still have hope for better times, it should not be too long as my daughter's condition is improving and I should be able to 'work' longer hours soon.

Here are a patchwork of pictures taken this year on my mobile.

I still find solace in beauty where I can find it...

Last week with my dad for a day in Sydney - view from his room, where he enjoyed a 'stopover'. My dad is now 89, so he is now off limits, we can only live in the present. We seize the moment. I was impressed at how his fellow travellers were looking after him. It was nice to see.
For me, the flight only BNE-SYD represented one week of income to be saved. I was amazed how many amazing people I was able to meet in a single day! There is definitely a life out there.

Entertainment where I can find it: a man cutting a tree in next door's garden. It was actually very interesting, very skilled involving mountaineering aptitudes and all...

My garden: Before and After

Nice sculptures I would like to replicate myself ... one day perhaps

Grass on the Seaside in Peregian Beach

Brisbane

Celebrating a friend having a new job one evening

Botanical garden - I did a free city council organised mobile phone photography course one morning:

Book bucket list included in this post. This book has been written by a leading aboriginal clinical psychologist recently. She introduced the notion of cultural scales to help psychological assessments.