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| View from my house |
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| Our rear deck |
I wish you all a Happy New Year
and a few life little miracles, what would we be without them :)
Before I talk about the little miracles, let's acknowledge the hurdles before we can put them behind.
The most traumatising aspect of 2023 for me was the relentless presentations to emergency. While we cannot get angry at what is totally out of our control, there is a sadness around the witnessing of my human-being fellows' manifestations of psychopathic compassion fatigue. Last post, I was saying that I was waiting an intervention from the specialists, like the neurologist, pain management specialist, or neurosurgeon, explaining the importance of following the emergency protocol. The neurologist was the only one to intervene, and you will understand why since her email to the hospital was not answered. So, we have been presenting to a new hospital for some time, but this is going to run out soon and is not the best way to go. Unsurprisingly, at first, the protocol was followed and after four or five presentations, the protocol was questioned and she was made to wait unconscious and convulsing for hours again. This is in the context of a very stretched hospital system as this newspaper article can attest. At least, we do not risk our lives each time as we did during the covid hey days.
'Waiting' has been the key word for 2023 ... waiting for the doctors in emergency, waiting for specialist appointments and test results, waiting for my daughter to get better, waiting for the thesis supervisors to annotate my thesis ... and during that time, life goes by ...
... and incidentally, waiting for my hair to regrow...
This is a picture I took for the tattoo artist recommended by my dermatologist so that she could see what I wanted to achieve by drawing my eyebrow line myself. I have become a bit more of a make up artist in my older years as a result :) never was a natural at it. This hair loss issue has also been an identity issue for me, just like I had to redefine myself as a person without family support and professionally lately. You need to live with a body that you barely recognise, have to accept it and make do with it, adapt the best you can, but relatively, alopecia is not life threatening in any ways ... nothing I cannot cope with.
How about the little miracles?
For one thing, my eyebrows and eyelashes have come back and my hair is starting growing as well since November. On NYE, my friends will be coming with a wig! I now have a wig for interviews and formal meetings - blond with white streaks, mid-length, after many options presented and 8 months of ponderings. With temperature 37C today, a wig is out of question, so you are more likely to see me with a scarf. I have a huge collection now thanks to my daughter making them for me for all occasions. Hopefully, I won't need any by the end of 2024.
The most important breakthrough is that we haven't been to emergency for 63 days for the first time in years. Pain triggered seizures still occur but they are less frequent and less intense. By catching them on time, we can now sometime avoid escalation. Another improvement is less nausea and more upright time - from two to three hours, which permits longer outings outside home on good days. Supervision at all time every twenty minutes on average is unfortunately still required. Fortunately, we are able to get some help from support workers from time to time but they cannot really help in critical situations as it is very complex and requires being allowed to manage very potent medications.
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| Rainbow in Paddington main street - Latrobe terrace |
What longer outings mean: e.g. we can hit the road towards the lavender fields nearby and I tell you what, you develop such an appreciation of this newly found freedom. Think about how covid confinement has felt, well, for me and my daughter, it has been like that since 2015 and I have always been a traveller at heart.
Another little miracle: my daughter's dog got certified as an Assistance Dog. He is now royalty as he has a special ID which allows him everywhere including airplanes. He is here in rehab at the hospital where he spent one night from 8pm to 8am with my daughter when she was starting having cabin fever after five days. We will be able to take him anywhere if needed.
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| View from the rehab hospital at night |
Getting an ID Photo from the Post Office was a bit tricky
Less things, more contemplations...
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| Less is More engraved on my desk pad |
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| Sunset from my house this Winter |
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| Our delightful little French Bakery (open 4 mornings a week) and Favourite coffee joint near my house |
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| Paddington Street Art (Kookaburra) |
In the good news series, I finally graduated with a Master of Sciences (Research) (Psychology Research) in December and my name was coined in the authorship of two papers published in Psycho-oncology and Public Health scientific journals, but it has not been easy. The many delays have meant that it was too late for me to enrol in what is called the 5th year in order to complete the last part of these studies in 2024 in order to be one day fully accredited as a Clinical Psychologist. As a result, the only university I could apply was the one where I obtained my Master. It is very competitive, since this year, and the admission quota are low: after 4 years of study, only one applicant out of four are taken for this last phase - the mostly practical training phase. I am on a waiting list, I should know in January what happens on that front.
If I had graduated last year, I would already be a provisional psychologist, and be able to work for four years before accreditation. Now, getting this accreditation has become more difficult despite the shortage of much needed skilled professionals; more academic training is required. This was not my plan. I don't know if I have it in me to study another two years. I am looking at my options as they present themselves.
My daughter had a fulfilling year between recovering, the six months dog training, the B1 Alliance Française exam, and engaging in gardening, furniture restauration and cooking (eg octopus) at home or making pieces of clothing for her friends, like this scrub for Nadia and her US surgeon.
My son is doing well. He is back living in the basement part of his father's and father's partner's house completing his engineering studies (mechanical) while training as an Australian army reservist and pursuing odd jobs like stocking shelves in supermarkets during his spare time to make ends meet. In December, he went to Europe to accompany a friend to Belgium who had to take a test there, ventured in Germany in the middle of a disrupting snow storm, managed to catch a last minute Contiki tour skying in Austria thus redeeming a 21st-birthday present credit from covid - he was supposed to go skying in New Zealand for 5 days but it got cancelled last minute in 2021, then went to see his grand parents. He finally spent Christmas in Exeter area (UK) with his paternal uncle and grand-parents.
Despite closing my FB account from August to December this year in order to recentre myself with less noise, I would like to acknowledge the invaluable support from my dearest friends. You can only be friend for life with someone who has performed resuscitation on your daughter, calls or text you when you need it the most, comes to your home for an emergency physiotherapy session, makes you smile, or who has brought you a warm dish when you were hit with covid (May 2023). It was nice participating in my former home neighbourhood reunion last week as well.
And of course, I am grateful for this loving little being in my life, as well, who never misses an occasion to steal the main dog's seat
We managed to grow potatoes but, steady on, we have not yet reached auto-sufficiency yet :) We have beans, cherry tomatoes, lettuces, herbs, one! lemon this year, and also make our own rosella jam.
As for what is happening in the rest of the world, it is almost too painful to talk about it as if we never learned anything from the past (genocide of the voiceless comprehended as numbers only, political and religious extremism, irrational rage even), everybody watching with compassion fatigue here again, and this is what I have to say:
We only need one flag!
(In truth, we have a common Leviathan that requires collective approach and it is Climate change)
